Fire and Ice: Welcome to Smallville #6 review

In which Tora and Bea, Fire and Ice, find Smallville menaced by two very powerful, very scary supervillains. Can they wrangle the various D-list villains they’ve brought to Superman’s hometown to help them save people and property?

Meanwhile Crave, a creature who can twist minds so that ordinary people turn cannibal, is menacing Martha Kent at the local hospital.

In town, the sentient tropical island of Kooey Kooey Koeey has possessed waitress Rocky Rhoades and she’s tearing Main Street apart.

Martha shows immense courage in gaining the upper hand long enough to flee into a cornfield with a little boy who’s had his mind mangled. She calls Fire and Ice, who have a moment’s respite from their fight against Kooey Koooy Kooey.

Yes! This is where Fire and Ice, after several issues of looking like truly terrible super heroines, show their Justice League mettle. One will get back out into the street and show the living island what’s what, the other will save Martha, the kids and probably dozens of hospital patients from eating one another alive.

Here’s the next page.

Two heroes who have gone toe-to-toe with Doomsday sit in the local bar and brainstorm. When Tora does get an idea, their pal Tam refuses to call her crush to ask for help because things are a bit awkward.

Again. Martha Kent is being pursued by a raging cannibal demon.

So why isn’t Superman rushing to his Mom’s side? We know he listens for cries for help from his loved ones at all times. A TV screen at the hospital shows he’s busy…

It also tells us that Supergirl is on hand. If she’s not being hit by Metallo’s Kryptonite beams (this may take place during the recent storyline in Action Comics) she could be in Smallville in seconds. Superman would move heaven and Earth to save his parents. If Supergirl is really needed, Superman currently runs a whole squad of Super people.

I get that comics spotlighting one or two characters can’t have someone else saving the day. But writer Joanne Starer has established that Superman has been keeping an eye on Fire and Ice’s shenanigans. That being the case I need a better reason than ‘he’s fighting’ to explain his non-involvement here. There are any number of Justice Leaguers who would be at Martha’s side in a flash. Instead she has to rely on Fire and Ice, who finally rejoin the fight again only when Kooey Kooey Kooey (I cannot bring myself to just use the letters…) storms into the pub and grabs them.

I won’t spoil the denouement – suffice to say the day is finally saved as Fire and Ice show a little bit of initiative, freeing Rocky from Kooey Kooey Kooey and wrangling a couple of recovering bad girls into ending the threat of Crave in a way that’s wholly under-explained.

And Superman does eventually show up.

‘Nice work ladies’? When I reviewed the prologue to the series in the very un-special Power Girl Special I noted that the Man of Steel was being pretty condescending towards Fire and Ice, telling them to take a time out in Smallville after a supervillain encounter went wrong through no real fault of their own.

At this point, though, I think he should be pointing a Phantom Zone projector at the pair.

Starer does give us some nice characterisation in terms of Ice and Fire’s relationship, and Rocky and brother Charlie have a good moment. And there’s a fun gag about pies. But I was so distracted by the ineptitude of our supposed stars that I could barely care. There’s only one heroine in here and that’s Martha Kent.

Natacha Bustos impresses me with her artwork – visually, Crave is one of the creepiest creations I’ve seen in a long time. The character design, the body language – there’s real menace. And Martha and the kids look rightly terrified.

Plus, there’s a terrific fight page, well coloured – as is the whole book – by Tamra Bonvillain and lettered by Ariana Maher. The cover by Terry Dodson and Rachel Dodson is pretty, capturing just how dimwitted Fire and Ice are in this series. Robot L-Ron fades into the background due to being corn coloured.

This could have been a great mini-series. Starer obviously has talent and an enthusiasm for the DC Universe, but she hasn’t mastered how to structure a comic book story. Along with the good we’ve seen too many terrible, weird narrative swerves (did you know Ma Kent sneaks away from Pa Kent to attend drag shows?) for me to be able to recommend the book. Editor Andrea Shea doesn’t seem to have had a firm hand on the tiller or, worryingly, she thinks the characterisations and turns of events are fine.

After decades in comics, the first mini-series starring two characters who were once pretty popular is a depressing missed opportunity.