Fire and Ice: Welcome to Smallville #4 review

Well, I have been enjoying this mini-series starring the JLI’s best gal pals, with its offbeat look at life as a C-list superhero. The set-up is that Superman has asked Fire and Ice to take a time out in his hometown after one mess-up too many. Sure, that’s leaning into the Superdickery trope, but I could accept it if it meant we’d get a self-contained series showcasing two heroines who deserve more DCU page time. They’ve taken over a beauty salon, made friends of the locals and started a rehab programme for minor super-villains. Last issue ended with quite the cliffhanger as a visiting Jimmy Olsen turned full-on Giant Turtle Boy, smashing the salon just as one of the mostly harmless bad gals, Lot’s Wife, succumbed to a wandering curse and went full-on cannibal on another old JLI type, Beefeater.

Things got real.

Things get swept under the carpet as this issue opens. Pretty much literally.

We’re pretty far into the book before we learn what’s happened with Jimmy’s big problem.

As for Lot’s Wife…

‘…before anyone could see what she’d done’? So Fire has covered up the death of superhero-in-his-own head Beefeater?

Surely she’s at least trying to find out the truth behind the cannibal curse, which seems to be a parasite, popping from person to person?

Nope, she’s in a cave making cut-price reality TV.

Also this issue!

Ma Kent drags the girls to a drag show.

Ice’s new pal from the local diner, Rocky, acts ever more Single White Female.

And Lobo swaps fragging for shagging…

Bea, Bea, Bea… suddenly it’s like I’m reading a Tom King book featuring a parade of stupidity and characters. Yes, Fire can be one of the flightier females in the superhero community, but she’s also one of the smartest, having managed a division of Wayne Enterprises, served with super-spy agency Checkmate and survived the JLI – not an inconsiderable feat. She’s not going to cover up a death to keep a super side-hustle going. And Ice would never enable that, never be content to clean up Bea’s mess rather than help her see she’s lost her way.

And Fire is certainly not going to play tonsil tennis with cosmic killer Lobo, even if she hadn’t been getting friendly with Rocky’s good-looking brother Charlie.

And where is Superman? At the beginning of this series he seemed to be keeping a close eye on Tora and Bea but massive property damage by his ginger pal doesn’t bring him swooping down to discover a killing? Ma Kent hasn’t mentioned reports of cannibal cows? And the idea of a regular drag show in Smallville goes against the idea that it’s a quiet backwater, even if it’s more Hallmark Movies & Mysteries than (ugh) Great American Family.

I honestly don’t know what’s gone wrong here, writer Joanna Starer seemed to have found a nice balance between silly and stupid, but somehow this series has jumped the King Shark between issues. There are hints that the Gentleman Ghost is actively derailing Bea’s plans, and the cannibal curse continues to change local eating habits, but it’s hard to be optimistic when two likeable leads go from pretty careless in their activities to – and I really can’t come to terms with this – covering up the horrible death of Beefeater. Andrea Shea is a DC editor who has squired some excellent series in the past, why she’s letting this one go so awry I have no idea.

There are some fine moments of characterisation as regards Fire and Ice’s feelings towards one another, but the overall taste the comic leaves overpowers this good stuff.

On the art side, Natacha Bustos gives us more pleasant, breezy illustrations, though the tone of the script is making them increasingly incongruous. She certainly draws an adorable Superdog, and I expect Ma Kent would be thrilled with her hip new look… I think she’s had Lasik treatment.

Tamra Bonvillain and Ariana Maher do what they do, which is give us fine colours and letters, and while the cover by Terry Dodson and Rachel Dodson isn’t my favourite, I like the pun on a Lobo catchphrase.

I’m not a big fan of mind control as a plot device but next issue could really do with the revelation of a lot of brain tweaking behind the scenes. Have Bea and Fire revealed to be controlled by Dr Psycho. Reveal Rocky has Mr Mind in her ears. Show Saturn Queen is damping down Martha Kent’s responsibility circuits. Explain that Superman is off on a mission in another galaxy. Anything. Just rescue this series.