The Burning Man fights Diana, his attempts at boring her to death with his long, tedious backstory having failed. A montage breaks out and Diana announces she’ll gladly die in battle if she takes him, the Amazons’ tormentor, with her.
Don’t do it, cries the unexpected ghost of her mum, Queen Hippolyte. Do not darken your soul, never destroy hope …
… let me moida da bum.
And she does. The shade of Hippo stabs Burning Chap with a flaming spear, then Diana tries to catch a lift back to America and discovers she can fly. Huzzah, suddenly the sour-faced Amazon is all smiley.
Elsewhere, Fiery Fella’s subordinates decide to grab a piece of the action, but instead grab only a doorknob.
I shouldn’t be surprised by the return of Hippolyte, courtesy of writer J Michael Straczynski – she also popped up to chat to Diana last time she’d been roasted alive, a continuity or so ago. So last month Diana went to hell, and immediately came back; this month her mother visits from the other side. You wonder why anyone is worried about getting killed in this book, what with the revolving door of mortality.
I was intrigued when the flashback showed the Un-Burnt Man as a colonel, suggesting he was longtime Wonder-love Steve Trevor, but I hope that was me reaching. I find Wonder Woman hearing memories in her head annoying. And fight montages – this isn’t TV. At this rate, next issue will end with a rendition of ‘Halle-sodding-lujah’.
Don Kramer and Eduardo Pansica pencil, Jay Leisten inks and the artwork features the usual collection of scowls, swords, punches and blood. The best sequences are the villain’s flashback, which opens with a good transition and builds in power, and the take-off, which actually captures a sense of wonder.
In other news, our heroine continues to paint her legs blue and call them trousers.
The new Diana really is a rubbish character. Barely a character at all, truth be told – she’s a snarly, petulant child who never thinks when she can attack. She learns nothing for herself, leaving Cinder Fella alive only because Ghost Mom tells her to. The ‘all-new Wonder Woman’ is a singularly unprepossessing recreation who doesn’t deserve her own comic.
I’ve given it four months. Please may I have the real Wonder Woman back now?